tersalah cakap terlajak perahu

aku kalau diajak bersembang, fuhhh kalau kena dengan orangnya, memang boleh sampai sudah. segala benda boleh cerita. macam mak nenek juga sikit sikit.

kadang kadang, kita rasa best betul bercerita. sehingga boleh terdetik rasa bangga, riak, takkabbur, ujub. hina betul. dah seronok sangat bercerita. padahal kalau diikutkan, tiada niat sedemikian pun.

kadang kadang aku terlepas cakap dan hati aku terabai mempunyai sifat keji macamtu kan, terus pulak dapat balasan. Subhanallah.

contohnya aku tengah cerita aku hampir sesat haritu dekat estate, sekali aku lalu lagi jalan estate tak sampai sejam kemudian, aku sesat lagi. orang aku yang dekat belakang gigih call aku cakap salah jalan. paham paham la kawasan estate mana ada phone line coverage sangat padahal.

jadi semua tu berlaku dengan cepat dan tangkas. macam reminder untuk aku. aku ada silap cakap ke tadi?

biasa aku masuk hutan selalu orang cakap orang tua tua cakap, mulut kena jaga. harimau kena panggil maybank, pacat kena panggil cik cat. tapi time aku masuk hutan dengan orang bukan melayu selamba je "ok kalau nasib kita baik nanti kita dapat jumpa babi hutan/babi liar" siap mengharap lagi untuk berjumpa okayyyy~~. jadi aku pun macam, ahhh takpayah nak berbahasa bahasa sangat, kalau dah babi tu, babi je la nama dia. 

ni aku pergi kerja pun boleh jadi kes sebegini juga, memang tak tercapai akalku juga sikit sikit.

tapi sikit sikit aku mula realize. mulut kena kasi jaga dulu, maka hati pun akan turut terjaga. kalau hati jahat jugak tak sebut kat mulut tu another story la kot. at least, make a point to berfikir sejenak, sebelum cakap apa apa. mudah mudahan kalau belum cakap tu, sempat la lagi istighfar. 

reminder kat diri sendiri je ni. ye la aku tak kerja pun masuk hutan, kerja pun masuk hutan. eh, macam la kat bandar takde pantang larang. malaikat kiri kanan tu taklari kemana, ada je duk tulis tu haaaa~

cuma thrill dekat bandar dengan dalam hutan tu ada la kelainannya sikit..

just another rant.

sometimes bila aku deeply think of what's going on.
and bila ada kawan aku tanya what is going on, aku mula la start bercerita.
ok tipu. mengadu.

sumtimes aku rasa orang akan clueless.
paham ke tak paham tah apa aku cerita kan.
most of the time, mesti tak paham kan?
tapi aku, walaupun kemahiran bercerita aku yang cikgu cikgu aku selalu runsingkan (tipu. cikgu aku runsingkan tulisan aku je. cerita aku biasanya aku cilok idea for my reads je) aku tetap gigih nak bercerita. again, aku tipu. mengadu ok sebenarnya.
lagipun aku lagi suka bercerita dekat orang yang tiada dalam picture tu. kalau bercerita dekat orang yang sama sama dalam tu, itu mengumpat ye namanya. yeah im guilty for that, too.

tapi anyways, aku tak mengharapkan pun orang akan faham. kalau faham pun nak buat ape je la pun kan.
but the response macam

"biasalah tu.. take it as a challenge okay"

"sabarlah, memang macam tu"

like.. aku tak boleh ke jadi weak sekali sekala? i am no super woman. boleh tak kalau aku bercerita betapa susah payahnya otak aku sekarang and you go like "i understand. its bad, really bad and u should feel bad"

tak payah nak act all strong sangat. and expect me to be all strong macam tu.

but apapun sebenarnya, im very thankful sebab kawan kawan sudi mendengar rungutan dan rengekan dari saya. u know who u are. seberapa lonely pun aku kat sini, alhamdulillah kadang kadang ade la gak kasih sayang at the corner of the tunnel. awww~

*hugs*

sudden realization *gasp*

WARNING: post yang bakal ditampilkan ini ialah sangat pathetic. sila jangan kutuk saya secara nyata atau dalam hati anda secara melampau. i already feel bad enough myself. 



aku saspek tanda tanda penuaan dalam diri aku makin menonjol despite sales people selalu anggap aku student lagi. itu sebab appearance aku selekeh agaknya. at least orang boleh mistaken aku being as old as 27. the number could go up lagi kalau aku sedang stress. mungkin sebab my facial expression just cant hide it. kalau tak stress pun aku dengan effort nya akan buat muka serious dengan harapan tiada anasir jahat mendekati. ye la aku kan selalu lone ranger. kalau aku dengan kawan kawan, selalunya diluar kawalan sikit. pfft. aku pun tak tau kenapa macamtu.

kot la ni. i cant be certain la jugak kan dengan apa anggapan orang terhadap aku.

my strong suspicion ini dikuatkan lagi dengan my sudden realization that...

*breathe in*

*take a deeper breathe in*

i seem to be involved with somebody's husband with 3 kids. betul ni, memang 3, three kids. nothing more nothing less. the involvement is very brief la tapi kenapa, kenapa, dan kenapa, mesti bapak orang? aku memang nampak tua sangat eh orang orang tua je yang seems to be interested in me?

cis macam pelik pulak bunyi post ni.

baiklah aku cuba terangkan elok elok. ada kawan aku cuba macam

"eh eena kau single kan nak tak seorang ni, dia macam kaya, tapi tak hensem sangatlah"

"tadehal. yang penting kaya beriman berkerjaya. hensem tu subjektif"

terusss kan. aku memang main main je a. bukan serius kot. kawan kawan aku bukan boleh dilayan sangat ni.

sekali betul la pulak kan, memang this one guy memang dah nak kenal kenal tanya hal personal semua. time tu aku dijadualkan jaga site johor tak lama lagi. terussss dia dan dan "eh bolehla nanti i nak pergi johor. bolehla jumpa, kan"
"oh ah hmm"

kawan kawan aku time tu takyah cakap lah. "amboiii dah set nak dating" "ape de hal kl johor dekat je kot eena" time cakap ni time that guy  tak dengar la kan. motif kau nak main mainkan dia depan depan?

aku dah berpeluh ok. aku memang tak boleh sangat dating dating dengan entah sapa sapa ni. hahha.



lepas tu pun banyak laaaa lagi perbualan mahupun perbuatan antara kami.

"eena, eena"

"aaa kenapa"

"tolong, tengokkan mata i, masuk habuk kot"

"aaaaaa tak tahu mana i pandaiiiii"

time ni mata dia dah merah but apa yang dia expect?
aku nak blow macam mak mak selalu buat kat anak anak mata masuk pasir tu ke apa?

"u pejam pejam mata nanti ada tears yang akan flush out benda apa benda alah tu"

"ala u tolong la tengokkan"

aku pandang kawan kawan  mintak simpati. boleh sorang sorang buat derk je taknak tolong dia?

"aa tak pun u basuh dengan air ke"

pastu aku blah.

kawan kawan aku memang nampak dia saja nak mengada dengan aku. sebab diorang pun ada sekali, lagi dekat pulak tu. tapi suruh aku jugak.

ye seminggu lepas tu pun kawan aku "eena mata i masuk habukkkkkk, tolongggg"

cis.

dan stage seterusnya, jumpa la fesbuk dia. so u know the drill, stalk la ape lagi.

okay, gambar with some kids.

okay, few more gambar with few more kids.

ooooowhhhhkay one happy family.

then only we know he is married with 3 kids.

then whats the point berlagak macam single macamtu?

kannnnnn.....




itu je cerita dia. bukan ada apa apa pun. tapi bila orang ala nak flirt je aku mesti dah "hah ni karang suami orang anak 3 ni nanti ni macam mana?"

aku akui memang kawan kawan kenalan  aku sangat random. from all walks of life. melampau lah 'all' tu. many la maksudnya. kalau all tu includes golongan artis dan menteri. takde lagi aku personally kenal dengan arits or menteri.
and many of them ni interesting. dari homeschooled 6 yo bright girl, to a school teacher in travelling in his thirties, sehingga pesara tentera. tapi semua nya macam kawan biasa je la. friend of friend mostly, or just some people we share some similar interest with, or just a random people i met on random occassion.

jadi tak banyak yang akan take it personal-personal. ala aku pun pernah usha orang 'in the quest of getting to know more about someone to see if i like him to be something more than friend'. but actually biasa je aku jumpa orang terus macam flirty je kan. kalau tak serius aku layankan je. tapi kalau serius, aku tak layan kot nanti disalah anggap pula. tapi macamana entah aku filter orang tu being serious ke bergurau? lols.

or tak tahulah ianya sedikit sebanyak dipengaruhi kawan kawan aku yang sesaja nak matchmake kan ke ape.

but seriously, andaikata aku layan kan that guy kan, and ter-suka pula kan, tak ke haru andaikata dah lama baru found out status dia macam tu?

but to think of it again. its not that bad. perhaps itu cuma biasa biasa saja. alahhhhh

korang selamba suka gila kat Aaron Aziz, Adi Putra, abang Sarapan, tu pun semua married kot. jadi perkara yang berlaku kat aku ni pun normal la kan. cuma bukan artis je. *flips hair*

Nora Danish pun selamba peluk peluk Adi Putra macam tu. 

Social Inept? Am I?

Signs and symptomsPeople with avoidant personality disorder are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these individuals will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.

• Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism

• Self-imposed social isolation

• Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships^[10]

• Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus

• Feelings of inadequacy

• Severe low self-esteem

• Self-loathing

• Mistrust of others

• Emotional distancing related to intimacy

• Highly self-conscious

• Self-critical about their problems relating to others

• Problems in occupational functioning

• Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful

• Feeling inferior to others

• In some more extreme cases — agoraphobia

• Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thoughts^[11][12]

AND THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT. that's why we should never put our trust on wiki.

here, let me share what its like to be a socially inept people.

• we are not hypersensitive of afraid of rejection. we already reject people at the first glance. its not like we make that much of glances in any given day to begin with.
• we are not extremely shy. we just dont see any point for us to start the interaction with strangers. 
• we avoid physical contacts just because we have an exclusive personal space. we dont let just anyone in.
• if anything, we are more towards a narcissist.
• emotionally distant? what? do other people fall in love every other week or so?
• for the self concious being high, does that reflects in our below average dressing and appearance. nahh we dont care much about that unless we are supposed to.
• occupational functioning is one thing you can count on people like us. we will go the deepest depth having things done. although out method of accomplishment might not be in other people's favour. 
• we dont feel pain. in fact we enjoy being all by ourselves.
• but of course, we do have circles of friends that we are comfortable with. 
• we are easily mingle with people we share the same interest with. we have a number of SIGs to prove that. 

okay. perhaps the term socially inept is a bit too much. but i realize im having a kind of social disorder. but im quite fine with it. i'll be fine with people as long as it doenst invlove anything emotional. because i cant read that.

here's another good thing, i dont mind eat out alone. i could read or do anything all by myself. but i dont quite like it some people find me approachable and start making small talks. like i said earlier, i dont see any point of doing that. if its logged, i wont find it useful and worth reread. really, i dont even smile to strangers!

yeah. now you dont have to wonder why fast food is a prescribed remedy to engineers.

anjing!

dekat site office aku banyak anjing. then petang petang sekarang kan hujan. kadang kadang aku tido je dalam site office.

banyakkk lagi sebenarnya stray dogs yang datang menumpang teduh.
tumpang teduh je tau. bukan bela. tapi sebab dah kasik makan leftover dah beberapa kali, anjing tu mungkin dah anggap tuan kot. tapi takpe, jaga kan office kira takpe kann

orang call pun aku malas nak angkat.

tiba tiba bunyi hon dekat luar. ni mesti shahrul sebab dia call aku tak angkat. hehe.

"sini kejap eena. aku taknak lah turun ada anjing"

"ape kau cakap?"

"anjing"

"pergh abes aku tak payah takut anjing pulak? baik kot anjing ni"

"hahha. dah. guardhouse ko dah siap belum"

"dah, tinggal tingkap je nak pasang"

"lain semua dah?"

"longkang cat pintu semua dah"

"oke tu je"

"kay"

pastu dia drive away.

motif ingat aku selama ni bela ke anjing tu? gesel gesel peluk peluk? haha.

dulu bulan puasa pun ada sekali dia datang pun taknak turun kereta. aku pulak taknak pergi dekat sebab panas. suruh masuk porch je taknak. dua dua merengek taknak mengalah.

last last dia terus pergi je tak cakap ape ape. tak penting sangat la tu kot. aku memang mengada tak tentu pasal. dia pun sama. lagipon selalu kutok aku mengada.


cis.

suasana kongsi di suatu pagi

suatu pagi di kongsi PPU. bahasa bertamadun sket; workers quarters. kongsi ni bukan kongsi gelap lu langsi lu mati, ini kongsi atau kotai penempatan sementara perkerja. jangan ingat aku kaklong kawasan pula. kalau chomel macam yana samsudin tu takpa. haha. ini serabai!

eena, shahrir, shahrul, khairul sedang melepak seperti biasa. mereka sebenarnya maincon. ni la kawan bergurau senda bergaduh mengumpat mentiaw. pendekata segalanya lah. tapi mereka ni dah tua dari aku lebih experienced laa. selalu juga kutuk kutuk aku akukan setahun jagung pun belum, tak pandai sangat buat kerja.. selalu boleh refer la apa apa aku tak terer.

ni awal awal projek. stor je. sekarang dah muat 10 orang kongsi makin tambah makin tambah. lantai pun dah konkrit sekali. 

shahrul: wahh faymes kau ek eena ramai orang kenal

eena: hoh sape kenal? sape sape?

shahrir: haritu kat gelang patah, ada orang tanya kenal tak kau kerja kat senai airport city jugak

eena: gelang patah? bila aku kerja sana? orang tu buat kerja apa?

shahrir: lay cable

eena: mane pulak aku kenal sangat orang cable cable. yeke silap kot

shahrir: yela die cakap bawak kereta wira putih semua

eena: abes die cakap aku perempuan?

shahrul: HABIS KAU LELAKI SELAMA NI KE??!!

eena: oh maksud aku kete ni dulu lelaki bawak, taun lepas. memang ada projek kat gelang patah tapi aku kan kat selangor masa tu. kete pun lain. die kenal kereta je kot. ahaha 

see, ayat yang sebenar aku nak sampaikan tu panjang. jadi aku singkatkan ataupun rephrase jadi macam tu je. dasar takreti berkomunikasi memang macam ni.

kadang kadang tu ayat aku keluar bersepah perkataan. then kawan kawan aku akan susun balik ayat tu secara spontan then aku "haa itulah maksud aku" itupun kalau aku tak keep repeating the same words, reaaranging.


"kelas ni lepastu makan kita pergi"
"makan eh lepas kelas ni kita pergi"
"LEPAS KELAS NI KITA PERGI MAKAN EH"



haa. sebabtu bila cakap dengan bangla aku cepat belajar. sebab aku dah memang takreti susun ayat. tadehal lah setakat nak tunggang langgang kan lagi.

flexible.

ahad, jam 12 tengahari.

takde ke orang nak schuwit schuwit dengan aku datang rumah hantar makanan?

ajak makan pun cukupla. tapi aku taknak drive. kete kotor. gi keje malas, basuh kete pun equally malas.

ape nak jadi!

oke ape, hidup membujang. pagi dah makan biskut. sedap je kot.


eh by the way, jangan nak datang rumah aku tiba tiba hantar makanan pulak. nanti aku freak out!

siapa aku?

aku tak sure aku pernah ke tak kenalkan diri aku secara officially kat dunia maya ni.

let say belum la. there's facebook, and then there's twitter, pretty much of a me within. so kalau dah connected dengan fb or twitter, itu la aku.

very random, very unpredictable, yet a decent gadis melayu kampung. auww~!
aku pun malu nak describe diri aku sendiri. ohoii. tahu perangai buruk berubahlah! ekeke

jadi lets not complicate things, aku nak cerita pasal nama je pun padahal. takde la mendalam sangat. seperti yang kalian bayangkan.

ok. fine. kalian tak bayangkan apa apa pun. fine.

ini beberapa nama yang terkait dengan diri aku.

eena
ini aku rasa paling cool dan accurate la nama ni. sebab memang sebijik ejaan macam dalam nama penuh. and its not that common la. macam ina contohnye. biasa je kan? eena, tak ramai sangat, kan? haa. itulah desired effect yang aku bayangkan.

tengku eena
ini kawan kawan aku suka save nombor aku sebagai tengku eena. ye la buh eena ke ina ke nanti sama pulak dengan org lain susah nak cari katanya. so bila ada facebook, pesen mintak 2 nama first name last name ape kan, aku pun macam why not letak tengku eena.

nina
ini biasa family yang panggil. nina, kak nina, ye kakak la. aku kan banyak cousin kecik kecik. kecik kecik pun "kaknina kaknina kaknina" dalam satu nafas. aku pula penat nengok panggil macamtu. haha.

rina
abah aku la memang panggil aku kakak rina. sebab menurutnya nama aku no-reena. bukan nor-eena. haa pun boleh bah! tapi sekarang ada satu kedai hardware pun letak nama aku Ms Rina. ala janji Ms, kompem aku je la pun perempuan. salah sikit pun nama aku takde hal. indeed tak salah pun. i oke aje!

but ada je orang panggil aku noreena. bukan no-re-na ye. aku ada double e disitu. bukan juga bukan no-ri-na. double ee tu membuatkan sebutan nya menjadi no-ree-na. tang ee tu kasi panjang sikit. no-ree-na. okay?

are we good? can we continue? ekeke bajet dalam kelas memperkenalkan tokoh epic je!

nona
nina nona. got it?
cousin cousin aku takpun abang aku. it hurts the ego kot kalau panggil nama orang elok elok. haha


muna
sama case seperti di atas. just another variation. dulu kecik kecik main panggil je kan. sekarang kalau aku tengok dalam handfon masing masing macam macam la nama aku di-simpan-sebagai (save-as). aku sendiri tak tahu tu aku.

tengku
ini tak banyak. either orang tu tak berapa kenal aku, atau orang tu memang super protokol punya orang. eh aku baru tahu kalau golongan tentera komando ape tu, memang super disiplin ye, takboleh panggil tengku tengku dengan nama lain. penat lah aku cakap takyah la kot panggil camtu. tapi entah komando kan tegas!
dia macam omputeh la. kau panggil Ms Watson kalau kau formal formal je. agak kasual kau bantai Emma je. aku kan kasual je orangnya. kalau formal ni macam dah kena dress up sikit, make up sikit, behave sikit. aku kan kadang kadang selekeh je biasanya. tak tengku sangat la kiranya. haha. sian tengku lain yang elok elok jenisnya, aku ni out of the league gitu.

paling simple ofkos laa na. na sahaja, no more no less. macam family n kawan rapat kan bukan nak make extra effort sangat panggil nama panjang lebar. tapi awas ye, kalau agak anda tu supplier barang saya, nak tanya barang nak turun mana "barang turun mana ni, na?" tu agak lebih kurang je disitu. walaupun aku kelihatan mesra bergurau senda dengan kalian, tak bermakna kita boleh cross the borderline ye. huhu.

but kalau anda biasa tengok cerita indon, anda akan dapati mereka akan pendekkan nama dengan sebutan dihadapan. bukan belakang macam Nina jadi Na. tapi depan seperti Bima jadik Bim, Luna jadik Lun. makanya, indon workers aku pun ada yang panggil aku In je.
"dah makannn?" tanya aku di suatu tengahari
"sudah la In, pagi pagi sudah masak" kompem la In disitu tu aku kan, takkan orang lain lagi. comel je In. eh comel pula. ahaks!

i cant say all of them are me. aku adalah berbeza depending on the audience. eh artis ke aku? ke financial expert? mesti professional engineer rupa rupanyaaa ohhh schweeet~! odien odien macam nak present je!



but all of them make up a me :)
(smiley la kasi taruk sweet touch sikit. siang aku dah takboleh nak suwit suwit. bagi la aku suwit suiwt dalam blog sendiri.)


pergh gila senang hidup stalker aku. google je any piece of nama aku, terus point to post ni kat blog ni. accurate result straight kot.  perghh siap perasan ada stalker siap tak tahan tu. kamon la kamon laaa takkan aku je kot yang suka google nama orang. korang pun suke je kan google nama aku. kan kan! huhu

pinjam meminjam amalan biasa

ok la aku brief dulu background story so kalian akan ada more accurate of an imagination terhadap cerita aku hari ini.

aku kan kerja dekat tempat yang sangat besar. 4000 acres in total. aku antara orang pertama yang bertapak kat situ. disamping aku ada beberapa kampeni lain lagi yang giat menjalankan kerja kerja pembangunan bandar ni. dibawah aku pun ada jugak beberapa kampeni yang buatkan kerja aku. subkon laa. 6 building aku tengah buat, ada lebih kurang 10 subcon aku ada.

ok ingat point penting disini, secara term kerja aku, setiap kampeni ni dipanggil kontraktor la. banyak jenis kontraktor ni, bergantung kepada selera masing masing la. macam aku banyak buat infrastructure works; menyediakan keperluan asas macam jalan, air, api, saluran air taik, longkang semua. dan juga bangunan; kilang dan rumah la biasanya. selera biasa biasa je.

kawasan yang yang besar ni pulak, selalu berlaku kehilangan. selamba depan site banyak kedai besi buruk. selamba selamba tu jugak lori besi buruk ni masuk cari barang.

pulak tu aku punya bangunan yang aku buat tu dekat pula dengan jalan access masuk. masak la masak.

walaupun setelah banyak sangat barang hilang, life must go on. terpaksa sewa barang baru. satu machine untuk compact tanah.

ginila ghope eh. compaction machine.

kedai hantar sebelah tengahari, jadi sebelah petang sebelum balik, kemas kemas la barang kan. sekali boleh pulak machine tu takboleh hidup. penat aku nengok subkon aku ni cuba start, namun gagal. so aku cakap gantung la guna backhoe tu. ele sopan, panggil JCB je padahal.

JCB. amboii takdela macam ni sekali posing ambil gambar. camwhore kau JCB

more accurate visual. lebih merah dan lebih lecak ye tanah yang kami bergelumang setiap hari. 

aku: gantung la angkat. macam ni takboleh start sampai sudah laaa

subkon: JCB takde rantai tali ape nak gantung. takpela abang carik tali ape boleh pakai

aku: ini memang JCB sewa takde sekali sewa rantai?
(biasanya memang ada sekali kot mana mana JCB ke lori ke)

JCB: ini takde pintu ni takboleh simpan hilang nanti.

ada la tali sikit kat tepi tepi tu.

subkon: bersatu kita teguh! 
*sambil ikat tali tu dekat machine tadi*

*boleh pulak sekeping tali tu belum apa apa dah putus*

aku pandang sekeliling.. hmm kat depan sana ada 2 JCB lagi. orang lay cable punya. 

"haa cuba abang pegi sana pinjam tengok diorang ada tak"

*takde respon*

"ada kot tu dah la baru berkilat lagi JCB dia"

*takde respon*

"..."

"ini macam mana abang nak simpan ni machine dah la baru sewa. nanti tak boleh tidor malam lah ni nak hidupkan pun tak boleh"

"saya gi sana jap la tengok. kalau takde carik kat tangki air sana memang ada. cuma jauh sikitla"

"haa cuba eena tengok pinjamkan"

"ok"

JCB pun sempat jugak mencelah "diorang pun takde pintu jugak tu"

ape apela.. aku pun dengan takkenal tah sapa sapa nye tu bermodalkan senyuman, comot comot macam biasa, tawakkal je la.

keluar kereta, sengih sengih sikit, tanya. ada je. ape pesen tali nak. banyak pulak tu. hahha. barang saya satu tan je, tali kecik je pun ok.

so aku pinjam, angkat barang, pulang balik. senang je kan.

tapi aku tetap tak paham apasal subkon aku tadi takde respon aku suggest pegi pinjam sana. lepastu siap express kerisauan takot barang hilang lagi tu, dengan siap kata takboleh tidur malamnya. deep sungguh.

susah memang la susah jaga projek multimillion ni.
yela dulu first projek aku tak sampai half a million kot.
tapi lagi susah handle manusia.
tau tau je la perangai aku pun bukan nak elok sangat.

ketiak anda berpeluh?

its perfectly normal!
tapi tengoklah kalau bahagian badan anda yang lain kering tiba tiba ketiak berpeluh sakan, itu mungkin sedikit kurang normal.
bagi saya yang selalu mendapati peluh peluh terjadi sehingga terasa menitis di badan dan kaki, ketiak juga tidak terkecuali untuk menitiskan peluhnya sehingga ke pinggang.

dahulu saya berkerja memakai uniform coverall

seperti ini.

disebalik coverall tersebut, kami dikehendaki berbaju dan berseluar pula didalam. tudung pun dimasukkan kedalam. dengan pouch bag lagi, hard hat lagi, kalau hari hari yang memenatkan dalam plant, memang cukup laju peluh keluar. 

TAPI!!! saya sendiri pun tak tahan dengan bau badan saya! bayangkan perasaan masuk dalam ofis yang beraircond lepastu,

"kau bau tak aku busuk sekarang? aku bau aku busuk sekarang"

padahal kita setiap pagi bangun dari tidur, mandi dan pakai deodoran konfiden sahaja mesti takde bau badan. kalau terperap sahaja dalam ofis memang lah ok. 

peluh pada sifat asalnya adalah masin sahaja dan tidak berbau. kadar kemasinan juga saya dapati agak berbeza (peluh tawar pun ada!) jadi saya tertanya tanya apa penyebab bau badan ini? memang badan saya busuk kah? oh tidak!!

anda familiar tak dengan situasi ini?

sweat stain!

dia macam keras dan agak shiny. deodoran residue rupanya.

baju baru basuh pun still bau macam masa bau badan busuk. rupa rupanya!

pelbagai jenis deodoran yang telah saya cuba sejak.. hmm sejak akil baligh mungkin?

this was once my favourite!

tapi biasanya i just pick the one yang murah je masa membelinya.

namun saya berasa sudah cukup cukup sudah. sudahlah tak tahan dengan bau badan ketika berpeluh, malah baju juga menjadi rosak. maka saya cuba alternatif yang lebih natural.

smelly no more!

i've been eyeing this very one for quite sometimes before i finally decided to put it in my cart. quite pricey RM15 approx. im still on my first bottle and its been what, like more than a year? and i have to say this is one really goood~

im still sweating. in my line of works, sweat is necessary. haha. 

my shirt only have soil and dirt stain, if any. no more annoying deodorant residue that is going to be there even after multiple washes.

no matter how bad i am sweating, like a pig or such, i didnt notice any foul odor

but since the rock salt is like salty dry, i need to spray water mist to wet it. a bit hassle. 

yes, ive tried testing it. it is really salt. it is salty. 

so if u happen to also hv bad BO, and dont mind sweating but cant let people around u notice the embarassing smell, i definitely recommend this type of deodorant. there's a couple of brand on the rack.

upon reading further on mineral crystal natural rock salt deodorant, i can only conclude one thing, even if its not working, what harm could salt do? goodbye commercial deodorants!

on the sweat spots, it helps to wear loose cotton shirts on. invest on good linens. as the fabric is thick, but the threading is in such a way the let u feel the breeze in and dry up the sweat before u know it. usual t shirts wont do the trick as it absorbs the sweat but takes forever to make it dry by itself. wearing damp cloth is also the last thing i would fancy in my line of work.

but if u happen to be sweating on less breezy windy places, then under shirts might be the answer.

*** gambar di google secara gigih ***

work and life balance. is it a myth?

so get up got to school, do well in the exams, get into a good uni, graduate and secure a high paying job in large well known company.

i almost got that right. almost. until i started some serious thinking and decided to take play a little too seriously. i always had a little difference in advancing my path apparently.

i always liked my work to be in a fast paced ups and downs. project based that is. i got it just what i always dream of. but then i got this tiny little window to squeeze something hobby-related in between. the opportunist me seems to have fun taking the risk to juggle between the two.

but not so long before i see how my workplace having trouble with my lack of supervision. i took one sunday off and it took one week to rectify the works. then i started to feel bad. but i give my guilty me no time to look over it and i still pursue my hobby things inbetween.

things got worse when my friends and i organized some events. i dont know their organizational skills but i took charge to help them out because we share the same mission. we got some misunderstanding in the middle which makes me realize that i've been incorporating the way i managed my subcons to that of my friends. and trust me its not always easy to get me talking to people in humanly manner when i see things purely technical. but anyways the event was a success with a huge gaps. and marking my points to just do my works well. i dont always needs to get off work early to see my friends, or planning the works to suit my days in the woods. or to pant my heart out hiking uphill while talking on the phone with people at work! we should be singing and have fun!

RICH - The Capacity

i believe that humankind is so special that everybody has the potential to be great at some point.
the way i believe the opposition can do better beating the current ruling party that has over than 50 years of ruling the country. partly because we all need a new fresh restart sometimes.

when everything fails, try Restart button - Anonymous

but we dont all have the potential to be Rich. we dont need to. the world dont need too many of Riches. most people are basically equipped to support themselves, the family, to have a good and comfortable life. more people are actually want to become Rich. not many have the idea on how to get there, fewer than that actually made it.

i still believe people at my age, with more or less having the same background as i do, actually can be Rich. we could afford to do things, earn a reputable high paying jobs, drive fancy import cars, settle in a modern looking double storey corner lot house. give it 10 to 15 years, with this rate of going, of course.

have you ever imagine, then, things doesnt go our way. we no longer can serve the company we are now, no steady paycheck, ur assets (taking most people common thinking; house and cars are assets) goes no value when it cannot be liquidated, what do you have to offer?

Can you afford to be broke? do you have the what it takes to regain ur once glorious life from zero?
i always wanted to discover my capacity to this adventure.

nahhh i know no matter how serious im trying to have it pictured in here, i still feel the excitement as if im going out to play games. zzz u little girl inside!

ladies come in many size and shape and colour

suasana: tengah tengah melepak sambil miting sambil makan

lokasi: mamak yang aku tatau cane leh sampai dan kena org lead jalan untuk balik rumah balik

le lady friend: baju baju sape lagi mau order

le me: saya saya belom. saiz?

le lady friend: aa eena.. M eh (sambil menulis kedalam list)

le me: aa M? ke L? ke M? (truly confuse)

le guy friend: (melihat kearah badan saya atas bawah atas bawah dengan muka judgemental)

le me: heyyyy kurang sopan disitu!! (sambil menarik jacket membaluti tubuh)

le guy friend: laa betulla nak tengok saiz apa. HAHAHA

le lady friend: asal asal korang?

le guy friend: ye la tolong tengok HAHAHA

le lady friend: LOL~ saiz apa ni eena cepat

le me: (sambil mengecikkan mata) aaaa. saiz ape weh? (refering to that guy friend)

le guy friend: M

le me: ye la ok la M..

LOL~ 

on a side note. aritu naik bubu ada beberapa orang pakai fitted innerware. kaler hitam seragam ngam ngam ngan body la. so nampak macam Bolos Saja Dinding Itu. disebabkan aku punya innerware sekarang ade satu je light coloured pulak tu aku nak la lagi satu. so terai la.. ade saiz M. tinggal tu satu je. lg sorang pakai memang bolos la takde terlonggar langsung. lg satu pompuan lain terai dulu die cakap xselesa. cam ketat. so aku dah ragu2 dah muat ke aku. sekali aku terai okla takdela bolos sangat (as in ketat ngam ngam) orang lain cakap ok aku pun ok la trus bayo. 

so kesimpulannya aku dah lama tak timbang. wakaka~ kurus ke gemok ke tp kalo orang tanye aku cakap je berat aku 65kg. (on what occasion would anyone would ask me that you wonder? me too. but they just do.LOL)

sweet dream

yesternight i had a dream.

it was a scary one. i was really scared. but somebody hold my hand. tight.
i feel calm. we both scared. at least it made both of us inhaling and exhaling in an orderly manner.
i want nothing else but to hold the hands. the source of strength of some sort.
it was a guy. i dont know how the dream started but he is my husband.
i trust him to lead me to the right path. i know he would.
i feel so blessed being married.

i never knew it would be that powerful, just a mere soft touch of hands.
i hope i will preserve the pure feeling until that very day.
let's try..
strictly no handshake to any non muhrim!!!
and that applies to my close family but still non muhrim
so to my friends who are very close to me like a family but similarly non muhrim
and to my boyfriend oh wait what? i never have one you silly!

now.. is this a really a sweet dream or a wet one?

The Hunger Games Trilogy

Sapa ada? have u finished reading? do you feel like reading it again?

if not, why dont u sell it to me? can you, please?

i would actually love to propose this kind of book exchange meetup. we might not really want to sell our books for cheap but we are less likely to be reading it again, soon. one book might costs us some good MYR 30 plus plus. once we finish reading, we cant wait getting a new one.

i always found looking for books is not easy. even i preread the few intro pages, read the back cover synopsis, i still dont know if its a good read and worth buying. and that book review n recommendations in the latest mags or papers? soory to say i really have a very limited option down south here. 

so if there's any reader's meetup anywhere nearby, please please please let me know. else, if there's not any around, let's be the host!!

oh yes, if i happen to buy The Hunger Games books set of three, i might want to sell it back, haha~ so yeah, prebook is open now!!

Project Signage: Senai Airport City

finally spotted! dekat seblah hiway. Senai Desaru Expressway to be precise
sapelaaa nak bace kalo nun diatas bukit tuhh.. bukan ade entrance situ. dekat entrance ade sehabis kecik signbod site ofis je. oh wait! projek ni ekceli takde proper entrance pun as we speak.
mana tak membebel pemandu pemandu lori

*le typical conversation after spending some good hours explaining the direction to get in, and they finally reach le site

"haaa senai airport? sini bukan senai airport!!!! jaoh nih dari senai airport"

"Sape kate senai airport. bak DO tgk, senai airport city ke senai airport"

"lain kali ah, kasi tau orang, sini seelong, bukan senai lagi, senai ape stengah jam masuk dalam macam ni. drebar lori semua tatau ini tempat kalau lu cakap senai"

"ape boleh buat tuan tanah mau kasi nama senai epot city, tak buat seelong epot city.. takpe laa.. janji barang saya sampai. lain kali nanti u tolong anta la barang u sudah tau sini area senang. susah sy mau cerita sama lain orang lagi"




what i meant to say = stengah jam dari entrance dekat seelong, lu tatau ke lu tengah pijak tanah tebrau sekarang ni tebrau!


aku dah la memang lemah bab ba direction ni. kadang kadang (more like most of the time) emosi menguasai diri gak time nak guide segala jenis orang masuk site aku sekarang.

pernah sekali tu baruuu sampai dekat jalan seelong lori tu (lori lain la.. barang banyak supplier banyak drebar lori pun skali oder skali tuka)

"aa amoi mana tempat saya sudah masuk senai jaya sini"


"betul betul.. lu masuk terus itu jalan crusher run aa sampai pagad sini saya ada sini nanti sy bawak masuk dalam"

*jarak taman senai jaya ke guard post 5 minit la lebih kurang kalau lori penuh barang or crane. dah 7 minit belum nampak aku call lagi

"halo u ada mana?"

"saya sudah pusing pusing ini area tempat sama. u apa bikin. keluar sini la tunjuk saya jalan!!" 

"haa mana boleh pusing ini tempat. jalan lurus one way saje. saya keluar pun nanti susah jalan kecik macamana mau puing kereta. saya buat TNB punya barang. u ni betul ke suda masuk jalan senai jaya crusher run punya, bukan taman aa.. saya ada sini tunggu u takde nampak pun"

"oo bikin TNB ah.. mana takda nampak pun tak jumpa!"

"MEMANG LA TAK NAMPAK MACAM MANA MAU NAMPAK BELUM SAMPAI TEMPAT SANA LAGI!!!"

fuhhhh facepalm kejap aku. macam ni punya orang pun boleh aa. dekat opis aku aku dah pesan, 30 mins masuk dalam. dekat opis die pun dah pesan, 30 mins masuk dalam. dekat lori sebelum dia punnn  cakap benda sama 30 mins masuk dalam. memang sapa sapa call aku cakap siang siang lagi 30 mins masuk dalam.

entah bagaimana dia boleh ingat site tepi jalan senang lenang pun tak tahu mana silapnya. kau sangkakan jalan tar sehingga kehujung jalan namun tanah tanah merah lecak menanti!

maka aku tarik jap napas, jgn nampak sangat tengah facepalm diri sendiri. smbung kasik direction elok elok. kepada uncle drebar lori aritu. maaf. tak lama kemudia lori pun muncul. baru nak guide masuk bos call

"aa where are you? we got meeting in a while, when are u coming back to office?"

"still in senai.. can u give me 30 mins? i'll get in the i'll go straight to office.. err and that would be like 50mins?"

"no you come to now laa. please please"

"ah ok, i'll arrange sumone else to pick this lorry up then i'll be on my way"

so sampai sudah i dont get to see the driver.


ini baru dua cerita. bayangkan laah aku kena hadapi benda aku paling taksuka ni like 3-4 kali seminggu. haha. unnecessary pressure orang kata. at the end of the project, hopefully aku akan jadi seorang yang sanagt baik dan penyabar dalam giving direction ni at least, left and right tu dah boleh spontateneously comes to me. ops!




ye ye saya tak boleh nak brain kiri dan kanan!!! its too confusing!!

happy anniversary, to me, to us!

so anda probably well informed yang position aku sekarang ialah site engineer. or at least that's what i signed on my email and official correspondence.

i never truly know what my job scope is until i did it. tapi satu perkara aku pegang, it can be very random.
lagipun aku keje kampeni kecil kecilan, dari UTP lg dah selalu sangat org nasihat, akan buat semua kerja. unless ko kerja kat kampeni besar, whereby the specialization on the role is very much exercised.

so semua kerja la i did. ok tak semua, tapi in the situation where something needs to be done, tak kira lah by right itu kerja siapa pun, bersedia untuk tidak melatah kalau tetiba kena buat sendiri. sama ada nak tunjuk cara cuci longkang scupper drain kat bangla time hujan lebat, atau memang bangla takde yang free nak cucikan longkang tu maka kena buat sendiri.

tapi tak tahu lah setakat ni aku suka buat benda benda macam tu sebab aku tak pernah buat atau sampai bila bila pun aku still suka buat kerja tu sebab ia simply fun!

tapi banyak aku belajar, a page each la kot. maksudnya banyak lagi yang aku kena belajar, many more pages from various chapters.

1) kerja wise
aku baru experienced buat satu bungalow house, satu community hall, buat jalan, buat longkang, buat building kecik kecik..

tp each in a very brief kind of experience. sebab aku under guidance dr bos bos aku, or subcon subcon aku. im not suprise my indon workers actually know whole lot more than me so sometimes boleh tanya tanya je. tapii jgn laa asek duk tanya je, biasanya aku google jugak berkenaan benda tu. cek dalam UBBL, i always go to the system first, then only apply dgn current practicable methods kat site..

not only the technical stuff, aku jugak kena manage apa saja dekat site. dr workers, kepala kepala kerja dan kepala kepala perkerja yang kadang kadang banyak betul songeh hoiii.

lepastu pulak client yang kadang kadang selembut sutera perangainya, kadang kadang macam anggap kita kontraktor ni tau kencing dan tau curi je. langsung takde nak appreciate titik peluh kami semua. tapi time claim keluar, lambat aje nak proses. banyak aje nak mintak kurang.

consultant on the other hand can be very kawtimable. inspection last minit request pun boleh. agak malas buat macam drawing, kasik propose je cara baru, tadehal mesti dia approve. tapi yg jenis susah pun ada. kita ckp drawing dia tak cukop detail. tunggu punya tunggu takde reply. paling baik pun suh pegi tengok mana mana sample then kasik propose submit drawing sama spec bagi dia tengok kalau ok dia approve. perghhh aku pulak jadi consultant? turnkey projek ke? ahaks. menjawab lah dengan client besok kitorang submit VO banyak banyak kan pasal instruction bukan bukan keluar.

authority pula takde ape sangat.. mostly involve time nak handover je. as long as ikot je regulation, submit form semua accordingly, apa apa bayaran dibayar sebaiknya, maka CCC certificate of completion and c.. er  banyak pulak c nye nih. aku pun dah lupa lupa ayam apa ccc nih. tapi basically projek da abes, dah leh pindah randah ke projek lain pulak, misi berjaya o yeah :D

2) soft skills
it needs a loooot of brushing up! sesungguhnya i find that im pretty good playing my role. tp very bad kalau handle multiple level by not making conflicts.

dgn different parties yang aku kena deal on daily basis, banyak kepentingan aku kena observe. sebabtu orang kata kadang kadang boleh dikambinghitamkan camtu camtu je.

kadang kadang aku kaver subcon baikkkk punya, sapot all i could, sudahnya org lain gak wat final decision. taim tu, air muka aku jatuh meleleh ko longkang je rasanya. tak de muka oiii nak mngadap subkon tu lagiii..
tapi aku harap orang sekeliling paham, its nothing personal. tak semua benda aku leh cakap. tak semua benda aku boleh ikut. emosi pun kadang kadang lain macam.

at first ada la rasa macam dapat spesel treatment sebab ko gadis jaga site, tapi lama lama keadaan dah tak jadi sweet seperti yang diharapkan, time rage, memang keluar jugak peluh jantan aku. takpun air mata jantan (manly tears). time time macamni biasanya aku akan menyendiri mengulo minom kat luar la. haha. baru tenang sikit mau fikir solution! eceyh!

3) kehidupan
actually, life aku beyond work hours basically takde ape. its good jugak so aku leh fokus kerja like 100%.. and only 40% much left to that my so-called life.

time keje dekat selangor almost every other week balik rumah jumpa family, pegi kl hangout ngan kawan kawan.. tapi sejak stationed kat jb balik, nothing much to it.

sedih tu ada laa jugak sebab mis a lot of happenings kawan kawan family semua tapi i embrace thewhole package with an open heart. we can be the jack of all threads, kan tapi master only one, at a time. and now, im doing that bit to which i consider the hardest in my line.

kejayaan perlukan pengorbanan :)


my way forward

quoting asyrafi abdul halim and ariff bin sukur, both are my respective seniors back in UTP, 1 year in contractor > 5 years in consultant

even my immediate superior, my project manager, always told me, when i had it enough in this line, jump into those consultancy line. design and stuff.

but deep inside, i dont really know do i really want that. maybe i need to try other kind of projects so i know what cluster i love the most. and perhaps, having a master's degree on one :)

InsyaAllah :)

to the green; alternative(s)

i'm on my way to be fabulous because im on my way adapting GREEN!
simply green.

u probably have heard enough on the word, and its associates. reduce-reuse-recyle, no-plastic-bags-saturday, consume-local-products, go-organic etc etc. but how exactly u had that incorporated to become somewhat a norm in daily life? or u just dont care?

UTP has been very good introducing no polystyrene policy in the cafes. extra twenty (or was it fifty?) cents charged for tapaw-ed food and the cafes has to change either paper wraps or cardboard like food container. some went extra mile by bringing their own container. and that is real green!

my long time friend who sometimes was my employer, truly into organic goods. food yeah, and also dishwashing liquid. since we sometimes make a living deep in the jungle, he kinda at his best to not to disturb the ecological biological harmonic balance by not introducing foreign chemical into the place.
i saw the product in the store. too expensive imo.



okay okay so how am i doing now? wayyyyy long to go to be that fabulously green. 

1. toothpaste - i kinda hated the mint in any toothpaste had. so i opted for salt. at the moment i have this himalayan salt. the taste is good. not heavy menthol after effect to the least. but only on occasional basis. the packaging of thecomercial paste is way too convenient to resist.

2. pack food from home - so i pack some chocolate drink, some bread with spreads, fruits, and plain water for like every morning? and i also get this BPA free water tumblers but but but i pack my food in ziplock sandwich bags. not too green. too lazy to wash reusable container? soo me!

3. i run on myself - not sure how this is green but it certainly natural. i started off as a kind of therapy with some minimalist way but now i think im very comfortable to walk or run on my foot, barefooted. training shoes that may cost me at least some 200++ can stay on the shelves until someone else picks u up.


eh only 3? and its not even a regular practice? baby steps, baby's steps.

thanks iskandar malaysia

http://www.mmc.com.my/content.asp?menuid=100041&rootid=100003&MediaId=426

mende ni lah yang aku dok kerjakan sekarang. oopss. jangan fikir grand sangat macam aku salah sangka taim nampak email projek ni masok suatu masa dulu. bajet leh jumpa abang pilot hot hari hari konon.

Senai Airport City ni actually sebuah kawasan yang dulunya palm oil estate, sekarang kerja kerja earthwork giat dijalankan. earthwork, kerja tanah tu includes tebang pokok sawit, dan ratakan tanah. tu je. tapi on a typical day, ada around 50 to 80 lori tanah berpusu pusu angkut tanah kesana kemari. takut hati kecil aku kadang kadang tengok lori lori berkenaan.

scope aku pula part of infrastructure, iaitu kemudahan awam. TNB punya building. senang cite pencawang lah. jadi scope nye kecik sahaja. tapi good training ground untuk aku sebab ni first projek yang aku betul betul kena buat, start from scracth. dengan immediate superior dr previous projek in which aku join sumwhere in middle, and the completed project before yang aku handle from the start pun aku tak fulltime dekat site.

nama je senai airport city, tapi kawasan dia sangat besar, city-to-be (hence the name) and takdelah dekat sangat dengan The Senai Airport. jadi so far takde plak aku terserempak awan dania atau hensem pilot ke kan. haha. tapi aku suka makan dekat airport punye mcd. chances tu besar sikit lah kira. auww~

namun sekecik kecik building yang aku bakal dirikan tu, jadi agak adventure sebab the project by large masih on the early stage, takde proper access. ok sikit je dari trip 4x4 masuk kampung orang asli sebab takde pokok. tanah lapang. macam tengok laut, tapi its tanah merah instead. aku selalu anggap aku sedang kerja dekat padang pasir. haha. give it a good 15 to 20 mins redah jalan macam tu baru tiba dekat aku punye site betul. hujan je macam sungai lah, ada hari boleh redah, ada hari berhari hari tak masuk site. dah lekat berapa kali kereta sib baik ada orang tolong tolak beramai ramai.

lepasni mungkin subcon subcon lain pun akan start buat kerja, buat jalan, buat tiang letrik, paip air, paip taik,  paip fiber optik highspeed bradband unifi, masjid, surau, untuk keperluan asas penduduk setempat.

kemudian developer atau owner akan acquire their prefered piece of land untuk membina perumahan, kilang, shopping mall, shoplot, condo mewah, hotel terkemuka, playground, tempat tempat hiburan islamik, ilmiyah mahupun tempat hiburan lagha dan menjurus ke arah maksiat.

the whole new city la. target of completion tu, not anythng that we can be certain of, or aku yang tak fully informed.

prosper johor bahru. thanks to the iskandar malaysia initiative. interesting lah banyak pelabur baru berminat. client pun lebih international. doakan kami murah rezeki melimpah ruah projek baru puluh puluh million. ameen :)