warning: serious content

i dont mind kalau selama ni i do things yang masyarakat kurang approve. as long as i knew what i'm doing as per what i want to do. sekurang-kurangnya saya rasa cool. and i born lucky family selalu support apa saja yang saya nak buat. (yeah, sounds good to put it that way). as long as i stay away from waterbody, lah kot. but then, tu pon saya minat juga!

tapi when i started to hesitate and not knowing what i really wanted to do, perasaan itu sungguh tidak cool. as if i'm not in charge of my very own life. perkara sedemikian berlaku bila apa yang saya nak tak dapat. semakin lama proses mendapatkan tu berlaku, saya mula hesitate saya nak ke taknak sebenarnya. actually, saya telah menghadiri satu interview last 2 weeks. dan saya telah follow up dan masih no good news from the potential boss.

i never failed any interview before. and sampai sekarang saya sort of merelakan pemergian site yang telah saya mula curahkan kasih sayang itu. tak tak. bukan rela. saya masih sayang. i keep wondering pilecaps tu dah siap ke belum semua.. excavation dah boleh mula ke.. ouh this fresh little adorable site, i would never forget you. and trust me, it hurts me the most bila dah boleh conclude sendiri the potential boss dont want me in. simply put, i failed that one.

mungkin ni doa yang termakbul, i was thinking of having a gap before entering the working life. but then bila terperasankan i made very little money this month, up to this very day.. with the bills that i need to clear every month.. like... i feel bad. especially when the peers of my age started to earn with the engineer title and engineer paychecks, for months already. and they are busy with their life yang tersepah2 sedangkan saya masih dibumi kl yang you know.. bukan impian saya untuk bekerja atau hidup dicelah celah kl ni.

i do enjoy my everyday life.. tapi tak boleh nak keep going at this pace saje. i need to do something and i haven't figure it out yet of what i want to do. i know i cant regret my decision gave up gaji ribu2 just to end up with 'gaji' yang baru beberapa ratus ni. dan saya perlu tahu whatever yang datang after this, i have to take it seriously, like a grown ups do.

coretan (phewwit!)
gadis anggun,
setelah kembali menganggur fulltime selama 4 minggu